Conway Mill Trust » A Wee Bit of Irish Humor

Irish Humor for the Day

admin — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:50:33 +0000

An elderly man is stopped by police on his way home from the pub in a questionable state of inebriation and is asked where he is going at such a late hour. The man replies, “I’m going to a lecture about the abuse of drinking and smoking.” The policeman asks who would be giving a lecture at this time and the man replies, “Well, sir, that would be my wife.”

Humor for the Day

admin — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 16:24:58 +0000

The old mother superior was dying. The nuns tending to her tried to give her milk, but she refused. One of the nuns added a tot of whiskey to the milk and offered it to Mother Superior who drank it all down. When the nuns asked her if she had wisdom to share with them before she passed on she replied, “Don’t sell that cow.”

Irish Humor for the Day

admin — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 18:23:30 +0000

A pipe burst in Dr. Sweeney’s house, so he called Pat, the plumber. Pat did some mysterious things for awhile like banging on pipes and then handed the good doctor his bill. Dr. Sweeney was dumbfounded! “Sure I don’t get that much as a doctor. This is ridiculous,” said the doctor. To which Pat replied, “Neither did I when I was a doctor.”

Officer Rafferty was walking his beat when he saw a man with a brick on a leash. Being a nice man, Rafferty admired the man’s dog. The man said, “It’s not a dog, it’s a brick, you eejit!” The policeman was embarassed and walked away. The man leaned down and whispered to the brick, “Got him there didn’t we Rover?”

A Bit of Irish Humor

admin — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 20:51:14 +0000

Having won the Irish sweepstakes, Pat O’Connell of Kerry took a tour of the U.S. Going through the great state of Texas, Pat remarked to the guide that it was very big. The guide told him that it was so big that all of the Co. Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of the state. To which Pat replied, “Yes, and wouldn’t it do wonders for Texas.”

Humor for the Day

admin — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 12:52:21 +0000

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were fixing fish. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John –he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn’t take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, “You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic.” They were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

The next year’s Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at dinner time, when the neighborhood was sitting down to their fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on the grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over at John’s place to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent. The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, ” You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish.”

Newspaper Misprints

admin — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 13:52:58 +0000

Dead man injured in crash.

Male donkey in foal — cheap!

Dessie Ellis, Councellor, placed an ad which read: Dessie Ellis is available to provide assistance with housing, social welfare, rent and anti-social behavior.

Three-Day Weekend

admin — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 20:25:42 +0000

The Irish invented the three-day weekend because they couldn’t lump all the bad weather into Saturday and Sunday.

Pat and Mike Are At It Again!

admin — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 20:01:42 +0000

Pat and Mike landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea, Pat yelled, “Mike, I lost my finger!” “Have you now?” asks Mike. “How did you do it?” Pat replied, “I just touched this big spinning thing here like this — Damn! There goes another one!”

A Frog or a Banker?

admin — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 16:28:25 +0000

Bridget and Mary are strolling along and hear a voice crying, “Help me!” coming from under a log. They look under and see a frog. “Help me, I’m an investment banker under an evil curse. Only a woman’s kiss will restore me. Bridget grabs the frog and puts him in her purse. Mary asks, “Did you not hear the frog? He needs to be kissed to turn back. Bridget replies, “Talking frogs are worth a lot more than investment bankers these days.”

Newspaper Misprint

admin — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 15:20:38 +0000

“A whiskey museum will open, along with a restaurant, pub and a magnificiently plastered members lounge.”